Husbands and Wives in Christian Marriage
Husbands and Wives in Christian Marriage
In several places in the New Testament, the text deals with the duties and relationships between husbands and wives. Perhaps the best known of these passages is in Ephesians, Chapter 5, verses 22–33. Here, wives are instructed to “be subject to their husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.”
Arguably, these verses have been used to abuse and oppress women for almost two thousand years — and very wrongly so. Men especially have used these verses to justify their abuse, control, and oppression of women, their wives, since these verses were written, which is and always has been evil and wrong.
The second part of this passage, Ephesians 5:25, is regretfully all too often largely forgotten or ignored. It states: “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.” Some scholars suggest that, as the second part of a verse or paragraph in Hebrew literature, it qualifies the first part. Thus, it is only to the extent that husbands love their wives and give their lives for them that wives are required to be obedient.
What a radical thought. But there is much more to this passage, and the similar passages elsewhere in the New Testament, such as in Colossians 3:18–19 and 1 Peter 3:1–9.
Historical Context
What is absolutely essential to understanding these passages is a knowledge and understanding of the beliefs, context, and values of the people at that time of writing and using the New Testament; as well as the beliefs, contexts, and values of the writers themselves.
Many scholars, for example Bernard Brandon Scott, do not accept the Epistle to the Ephesians as being authentically Paul’s letter. His suggestion is that, whilst it was written in Paul’s name, Paul did not write it. He dates it late in the first century, or even in the first quarter of the second century. As far as scholars can tell, Paul died between 64 and 67 CE.
But there is much more related to the beliefs, context, and values of the first and second centuries. At that time, it was generally believed women were less than human. Men were considered to be fully human, women were considered to be less than human, and significantly less fully human than men. Do we still believe this? Do we still believe that women are less human than men? I do not.
Secondly, in this era of Jesus and Paul, it was believed that women were owned by — i.e., the property of — men in a remarkably comparable manner to the way slaves were owned by their masters, to do with them what they, the masters, wished.
This was a widespread belief in the Jewish society of the time of Jesus and Paul, as well as in the wider Roman world of their day. Girls were the property of, i.e., owned by, their fathers until during or after puberty their parents decided to whom they were to be married, when they became the property of, i.e., were owned by, their husbands. Do we still really believe this? Do we still believe that women are owned by, i.e., are the property of, their fathers until they are married, after which they are owned by, i.e., the property of, their husbands? I very certainly and very definitely do not. Indeed, today we would call this coercive control, and we would condemn it.
Modern Marriage
Interestingly, when the Book of Common Prayer, the service book of the Church of England, was written in 1662, ownership of wives was a part of the beliefs, context, and values of that time. The priest asks in this service, “Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?” Immediately following this question, the father of the bride steps forward and offers the left arm or hand to the priest or celebrant who takes it and joins it to the bridegroom’s right arm or hand. This was seen then as the passing of the “ownership or property” of the bride from the father to the husband.
Today, when two people get married, they form a partnership, not a hierarchical structure, and even less a patriarchal hierarchical structure. Men are not the bosses in their marriages; they are partners in their marriages. The spouses’ responsibilities to each other are to be caring, compassionate, encouraging, guiding, loving, loyal, respectful, supportive, trusting, and understanding.
If and when children join the couple and their marriage, these are the same qualities that the couple, as parents, should exercise towards their children. I do not include discipline of the children here because discipline is a small part of encouraging and guiding, and the aim and goal of discipline is to teach our children self-discipline, which is what they, and all of us, need as adults.
Conclusion
All too often people, especially evangelical, fundamentalist, Protestant, and Reformed Christians, read and accept verses of the Bible simply at face value — at simply what a verse says — and this is done without knowledge of or reference to the beliefs, contexts, and values of the writers of the Biblical verses and the times in which these verses were written.
Without thinking about whether knowing the beliefs, contexts, and values helps us to understand at greater depth what was meant by the writer, and whether it is relevant, or is still believed or even acceptable today. The more we understand the beliefs, contexts, and values of the time of writing, and of the writers, the more we are able to decide whether we still accept the relevance of these and all Biblical verses and passages and the teaching these contain.
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